How to show up as your higher self
If we had to give your “higher self” a persona, we’d say she’s essentially that girl. The one whose inner self is radiating so relentlessly; she has no option but to emit herself onto others.
Her good energy exudes effortlessly, and she not only isn’t shaken up by the small things, she can’t be.
This girl does not drown in shallow ponds, and she certainly does not allow anyone to have power over her peace. She is wise, she is kind to herself (and thus, to others), and she is mindful.
Now, let’s be very clear. Becoming your higher self does not mean you will never face a struggle ever again in your life. It simply means that in everything you do, you are showing up for yourself. It’s evident in the way you handle trauma, drama, and everything in between. You react more productively than you ever have before. You may fall back into a “bad” pattern, but your higher self’s presence is so strong, you don’t stay in it for as long as you did before. And that’s because you’ve learned to forgive yourself for getting there – you’ve realized that at the end of the day, you are a constant work in progress, which allows you to let it go sooner.
And to keep it real with you yet again, your higher self doesn’t just happen overnight. You won’t wake up tomorrow after reading this as her, and that’s the point. Your higher self is a version of you that you only get to enjoy after working for her, earning her, and making a place in your life for her. It’s not only a matter of getting there, but staying motivated to do so, because it is work. One way to keep that fire burning is using your imagination: daydream about her.
Romanticize her until you are so infatuated by that version of yourself, every day is exciting because every day, you’re working towards it and getting one step closer.
So think about it for a minute: as my higher self, how would I behave? How would I interact with others? How would I dress? What are my habits, hobbies, and pastimes? What’s my career?
Now that you have a clear idea of her in your head, you have an actual vision to work towards. That’s your finish line, and the way to cross it is to start small, but most importantly, start every day. Before you do, though, remember this: it will not be a linear path. Our advice to you is to stay objective but be gentle on yourself – it’s an elective procedure for your soul, after all. There’s no good in making it any harder than it needs to be by being overly self-critical. We are only trying to add value to our lives, not diminish any.
But before you begin adding all that value to your life, you need to Marie Kondo your current self. That’s right – get rid of all those things that do not spark joy. Give your life situation right now an honest vibe check – really, take a moment right now and answer these questions:
What is not serving you?
What brings you peace?
What can you be doing better for yourself?
What behaviors and habits do you carry today that your higher self likely wouldn’t?
What, or who, are you making excuses for?
Are you ready to let those things, or people, go?
Are you willing to let those things, or people, go?
We meant it when we said it wasn’t going to be an easy journey. See, embarking on this path to finding your higher self means leaving behind the past versions of yourself that have held you back from getting there. And with those past versions come past storylines, weaved with all kinds of characters and habits that you may need to break ties with. If that isn’t a choice you are willing and able to make, you will reach a plateau.
So now that we (hopefully and honestly) have assessed the vibes, let’s get listicle. Create a list of actionable things you would like to achieve that you believe will bring you to your higher self. This varies for everyone, of course, but we’ve included a few questions to give you an idea in case you’re not sure where to begin. Remember, baby steps.
Do you want to start waking up earlier?
Do you want to have 3 meals a day?
Do you want to move your body more?
Do you want to “put yourself together” every day?
Do you want to cultivate better relationships with the people in your life?
Do you want to find a partner?
Do you want to buy a house?
Do you want to stay more organized?
Answering these questions will give you an actual list of goals you can make yourself every day. You want to stop eating out during the week? Alright, then you need to make sure you’ve designated a day to go grocery shopping at least once, and that you’re taking time to actually make meals for yourself. You want to be better with your money? Ok, start a budget and open a high performance savings account. These questions will always trigger a flow of actions you can take to achieve them.
You might be asking: how does something like “saving money” help you become your higher self?
We’re glad you asked. See, it’s not only about the inner work that you do (though that is a very big part of it as well, and something we’ll be talking about shortly). It’s about building a life for yourself that brings you peace and calmness, gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment within yourself, making you feel like you have it together on the outside so it’s easier to fuel that ego on the inside. It’s a bit more complex than the “fake it till you make it” concept. We’re not trying to fake anything – we’re simply trying to set ourselves up for success. We can do that by taking the reins on our life and establishing a solid foundation so there’s room for everything else to breathe and thrive.
So now that things look and feel pretty on the outside, the real work begins. No more ignoring that inner child, no more using external distractions to avoid those internal infractions. Of course, it’s not as easy as it sounds – the whole “facing your demons” business. Sometimes they’re so well-hidden, you didn’t even realize they were even there, dictating and sabotaging your every move. The good thing is, those questions we had you ask yourself in the beginning should have started bringing some of those issues to the surface. Now it’s time to shine the light.
For example, if in your decluttering stage of this journey you decided it was time to cut off an old flame who was more like a boomerang than a person, ask yourself why you even allowed them into your life to begin with. As much as we like to think people are not forthcoming and trick us into thinking they care about us, there’s a lot of truth in that saying “if you have to question where they stand, then it’s not with you”. However, we tend to make excuses in order to make space for the wrong things to fit into our lives when in reality, it was a square-peg-round-hole situation from day one. So why do we make those excuses? Whether it’s that you feel guilty “being mean”, which is what we women falsely label as “setting boundaries”, or that you don’t think it’s “that big of a deal”, it all stems from one thing: a low sense of self-esteem. If you see yourself as a high-value person, it doesn’t matter if it’s an S.O., a friend, or family member, you are quick to identify those people who do not deserve to be in your energy.
“But Togeth3r, I know I don’t deserve to be treated poorly or let people walk all over me!”
*Tough love moment incoming*
Being a pushover does not make you a kind person. We often mask allowing people to take advantage of us as “kindness”. But being kind is not about taking up less space or being the “yes” woman. That’s being accommodating, and that is not the same thing. The truth is, the kindest thing you can ever do is be kind to yourself, first. And that may mean limiting other people’s access to you – which is nothing to feel guilty about. If you’re struggling figuring out how you feel about a situation or person, that’s normal. Our brains are not file cabinets, we have free flowing thoughts that flow into a hundred other little thoughts, so it’s easy to get lost up there. If you want to get to the root of something, we believe journaling is an incredible tool to do just that. You can freeform write as it comes to you, or follow prompts if that helps give you more direction. We’ll list a few below to get you going:
What’s causing you sadness today? Can you fix it, remove it, or let it be?
What do you wish was better in your life?
Do you feel like you’re enough: for yourself, others, work? Why or why not?
What is making you anxious? What are the things you can control, and what are those things you have to let go of?
How do you wish YOU were better?
What are some things you need to forgive yourself for?
These are just conversation starters for you and yourself. They seem simple, but you would be amazed at the things you can uncover as you begin to answer them honestly.
We know we’ve said it before, but we must emphasize: this is not easy work. This journey takes time and can even be painful.
Stick it out, for you.
And if you still find it hard to do things just for yourself, then stick it out for the people around you. You’ll soon come to realize why showing up for yourself is not a selfish act. And once you do, you will never be the same.
You’ve got this.