Articulating how ahh-mazing something feels without sounding cringey can feel like too big a mountain to climb. Needless to say, this fear can prevent us from engaging in dirty talk in the bedroom altogether. But stimulating all five senses is one of the best ways to improve your sex life. And this, of course, includes stimulating your sense of sound via auralism. So, in the spirit of helping you have an amazing sex life, I tapped a sexual wellness expert Angie Rowntree for her insight on all things auralism. Whether you’re well-versed in sexually explicit convos or scared of saying the wrong thing, her tips will teach you how to dirty talk like a pro. Keep scrolling to learn more.
What is auralism?
Auralism essentially means being aroused by sound. These sounds can be anything from sex noises to ASMR, audio porn, music, and dirty talk. According to Rowntree, founder of Sssh.com, this is more than just a kink or fetish. Rather, it’s also a form of sensation play, and an extension of sexual mindfulness. Not only does it engage your sense of sound, but paying attention to sounds also allows you to ground yourself better in the present moment. Unsurprisingly, both of these things can heighten pleasure during sex.
That said, the concept of auralism is not new. Yet, the demand for audio stimulation has increased as of late. “All content inside Sssh.com is there based on member requests, and our members have been requesting more audio erotic content,” Rowntree said. This is likely due to the fact that society is (finally) emphasizing the female gaze and sexuality. The world is coming to understand that human beings can get turned on by more than just visual stimulation. Rather, desire can be sparked by a whole slew of emotions and tantalizing the five senses.
What’s more, “There’s something intimate and seductive about whispering,” Rowntree said. Whether you’re playing solo or partnered, auralism can help set the tone of your sexual experience right from the start.
How do you engage in auralism?
Because everyone’s different, auralism can take on many forms—it’s not a one-size-fits-all experience. However, people often engage in it unknowingly. According to Rowntree, getting more excited from hearing your partner moan is a form of auralism, along with using music or ASMR to get in the mood. “If your partner whispering in your ears (whether it’s dirty talk or an adoring compliment), gives you ‘tingles’ of the delightful sort, that’s also auralism,” Rowntree explained. Furthermore, listening to audio erotica—whether it’s audio porn, a dirty story, erotic ASMR, or whisper porn—is also an example of engaging in auralism.
In essence, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to engage in auralism (though they’ll likely find pleasure in it, too). All you need to do is engage your sense of sound in a way that heightens your arousal, gives you the tingles, and gets you turned on. It might be intimidating—and that’s OK! The key is to play around and experiment so you can find what works best for you. And dirty talking in the bedroom is one of the easiest ways to do just that.
Tips for dirty talking like a pro
Although most of us have talked dirty in the bedroom before, there are varying levels of comfort with the practice. Some people might feel more comfortable openly expressing their desires or thoughts than others. “Remember, even though it is ‘dirty talk’ you are, nevertheless, going for the opposite of ‘cringe,’” Rowntree said. This is why establishing consent and boundaries first and foremost is key. Once you’ve done that, you can get down to business.
Both shy and outgoing partners will need encouragement. While talkers need to be encouraged to keep sharing, reserved partners need to be led by example. “Ideally, dirty talk should be a dialogue,” Rowntree explained. Saying “I love the way you kiss me. What do I do to you that you love?” might be the confidence boost they need to open up and start talking. This is also why Rowntree swears by paying attention to non-verbal cues as well; they can be great conversation starters. If they moan, clench their teeth, or close their eyes, ask them if they like what you’re doing and to describe how it makes them feel. Remember: It’s a dialogue, not a monologue!
Ultimately, the most important thing is to make sure the bedroom is a safe space for you and your partner. According to Rowntree, safety is the secret to experiencing both the best dirty talk and sex. “When it’s safe to be vulnerable and show them the ‘real you,’ the more uninhibited and intense the sex can be.”
… And that kind of sex is worth a thousand words.